Ugh!

I can't tell you what it took to get me here. I can't tell you what I have had to go through. I feel a little like Jonah running from what I know God is and has been calling me to do. It's very easy for me to tell someone else to do this and for me to actually do it myself. For some time I have been aware of the stigma that surrounds anxiety and depression especially in the Christian community. Everyday I talk to people and counsel them thru their depression and their anxiety things like "they shouldn't be ashamed" and "its okay to be on medication." Many of them have spoken with their pastor and been told things like, "you just need to pray more" or "you just aren't putting your trust in God". While all these things are important and needed it can make someone with depression and anxiety spiral. They are already in a bad spot and then to tell them they also aren't godly enough, well you can't imagine how that feels. The truth is I treat pastors, deacons, and Sunday School teachers for depression. And guess what, I have it too. I have to take medication. The reason I don't want to do this blog is because I know that I must expose myself and that's hard to do. Just like everybody else on Facebook I want to look like I have it all together. Here is the truth- I struggle. I struggle hard. Here is also the truth, I have the best husband in the world that supports me wholeheartedly. My kids are great. I have a great job. I love the Lord but.... I struggle. Sometimes my medicine is on point and sometimes it is not. I am in the Word and I pray God will heal me but so far he has not. And maybe he hasn't because I'm suppose to be a voice. I named this blog "thru the wounds" for two reasons. One is from a sermon I recently heard from Matt Chandler at Passion 2019. It's on YouTube if you would like to watch it. He states that if we leave things in the darkness that is where Satan attacks but if we bring it into the light that is where we find true healing with Jesus. The way to experiencing the grace and mercy of God is thru the wound. We need to quit hiding in the very place God wants to breaks through. The second reason I named it "thru the wounds" is because I have been wounded from this. If you have depression and anxiety I know you have wounds too. Friends and family members that don't understand you. An outburst that came out of nowhere and you have alienated people. I have told people I would rather have anything but this. So, I started this blog to help you and help me. Lets expose this. Lets get better. Lets educate the Christian community. And God let it start with me.